Death begins with a mirror

As I was putting together a display for our Young Adult area a few weeks ago I came across a very thin book titled You remind me of you: A poetry memoir by Eireann Corrigan. Eireann suffered from anorexia nervosa and bulimia while she was in high school. Beautifully written, her poetry provides a horrifying reflection of her struggles to overcome not only her disease, but the attempted suicide of her high school boyfriend.
When I first moved to the states one of the first friends I made was a girl who suffered from anorexia and bulimia. She used to write me letters at school. One in particular stands out in my mind. She had been starving herself all week and had felt mighty proud of her achievement. She woke up that morning so hungry that she ate five bowls of cereal in one sitting, only to puke all of it up again in time to catch the bus to school. What I always found interesting was how the other girls at school would treat her. Everyone knew she had a problem. It was obvious she never ate. But rather than be concerned for her, they seemed to envy her. It was as if they wished they could have such discipline to be able to starve themselves too.

Here’s a portion of one of Eireann Corrigan’s poems that I particularly liked. She apparently played basketball in high school. The poem is called “Poem for myself, on the Free Throw Line, Fifteen Years Old”:

Coach says
you’re young-you’ll grow into your height,
get some grace in your game.
But she doesn’t train you
to guard yourself as fiercely
as your opponent down court,
as carefully as your left-hand dribble.
There’s still forty pounds
between you and your future,
but they’ll peel off as easily
as those snap-on trousers. You’ll realize
you can steal your body
like a slow pass, sucking on single
grains of white rice, whole
coffee beans and besides
two fingers stuck down your throat
can intercept anything.

After reading Corrigans poetry I realize how the pressures to be thin often come in very subtle forms nowadays. People are very quick to blame the media, pointing fingers at all the Kate Moss archetypes plastered across every magazine. I agree. But I think this epidemic has been caused by many things. The medical field doesn’t help, with it’s constant “new formulas”, diet solutions, bulge free in 20 min a day and oh, my personal favorite, the fat flush program. All these attempts to come up with a “healthy lifestyle” only brings to much a attention to something that should just happen naturally and instinctively. No, I think everyone is missing the real culprit here. The mirror.
I wish I could say that I am wise and strong, that I have never thought about resorting to drastic measures to help me achieve the “ideal body”. I have thought about it, all the time convincing myself that I was only trying to become “healthy” not “beautiful and thin”. So, admitting this to myself, I try to come up with a solution so I can continue to pursue a healthy lifestyle honestly and truly because I want to be healthy. The only way I believe this can be achieved is by refusing my reflection, leaving me free to focus on what really matters in my life.

Health tip for today: Death begins with a mirror and ends with a reflection.

-C