Banned From Lowe’s

Mike Huxley — Wed, 26 Nov 2003 22:24:11 +0000

My wife has banned me from Lowe’s. It’s not my fault really, I’m a product of my genetic background i guess. I haven’t REALLY been banned from Lowe’s–I just can’t go in without Carleen as chaperon. You see, we’re in the midst of painting our house, and when we need painting supplies I find it convienient to stop by Lowe’s in the morning on my way home from work. Unfortunatly for me, all the cashiers at that hour are very attractive young women. D’oh. This is what happened:
I was getting some paint samples for the trim in our living room. I took those samples home and decided on which would best fit the room. After deciding I got in the car and headed back to Lowe’s to get the paint mixed and headed for the checkout. Being that there is only one cashier at that time in the morning, I had little choice.
When it became my turn to check out I noticed it was a particular young woman whom had cashed me out several times (with no previous incident, I might add). Apparently she recognized me from my previous visits as well as the visit earlier that morning. She said to me, “Are you going to spend all morning at Lowe’s?” Now I took this as flirting, although it doesn’t sound very flirty in type, the way she said it, was. Now normally, I would have flirted right back (to a reasonable level) and went on my way. This morning though, I was far too tired to engage in the wity banter of that conversation, and I gave a polite chuckle and muttered a few words and left. Now, I’m an honest guy and quite frankly that made me feel very good, being flirted with by a very attractive woman like that, and so I told Carleen what transpired. She, of course, took it all in stride and asked “Was she cute?” To which I replied, “Yes, very.” Nothing further was said at this point.
However the next morning I was turning the house upside down looking for my brushes to continue the painting, as any good husband would, but alas the brushes were lost. It seemed I had to make a trip to Lowe’s. Being rather upset at this, because of the valuable time I was losing, I told Carleen that I was heading down to Lowe’s. To which she responded, “Hurry back” Luckily for me, there was a different person at the checkout and I did not have to endure the verbal precociousness of hormonal young women.
I knew the question before I even stepped through the door. “Was the cute girl there?” I was further accused of throwing the brushes away on purpose, JUST so I would have an excuse to visit Lowe’s. I was appalled.
So faithful readers, am I in the wrong? Am I to remain indoors through my entire young life so as to keep at bay the lustful young temptresses?

Dave Barry

Mike Huxley — Wed, 26 Nov 2003 17:44:16 +0000

I have found Dave Barry’s Blog and Columns once again….life, is good. For those of you that haven’t heard of Dave Barry, he is a journalist with the Miami Herald. his brand of humor is unique, I don’t think anyone has ever made me laugh quite as hard.

Carleen and Mike » 2003 » November » 26

Banned From Lowe’s

Dave Barry