21.04.05

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I posted a quick entry about our friend Josh’s website/photography a while ago, this got me thinking. Self-reflecting actually. I realized why I had put away my own photography, why I hadn’t attempted to sell any or create any new images. I’m scared. Not so much of failure or criticism. And I’m certainly not afraid of that pretentious psycho-crap “failure of success”, I think I’m scared of hitting the in-between. Gaining a little success and notariety, but not gaining enough to fully take the plunge.

Right now I can dabble in photography, while still maintaining a job, what if I got far enough in photography that I had to give up the normal job I have to focus on my photography and then fall flat on my face? Photography, though I love it, has always had this one gaping flaw for me - it is a poor career for steady income. Sure I could rake it in if I wanted to be a wedding photographer, but I don’t. That’s hack stuff to me. Don’t get me wrong, there are those out there who can do marvelous things in wedding photography. But these days, anyone with a half-decent camera and some time on their hands can do pretty good for themselves in Weddings.

I wonder (probably rightly so) if this is another drive-by hobby for me. I pick it back up for a month or so, spend a couple of hundred on equipment and then get bored and put it all away again for another 3 years. I wish I had focus, determination, goals. All I know is, I can’t be a collator operator for the rest of my life.