I posted a quick entry about our friend Josh’s website/photography a while ago, this got me thinking. Self-reflecting actually. I realized why I had put away my own photography, why I hadn’t attempted to sell any or create any new images. I’m scared. Not so much of failure or criticism. And I’m certainly not afraid of that pretentious psycho-crap “failure of success”, I think I’m scared of hitting the in-between. Gaining a little success and notariety, but not gaining enough to fully take the plunge.
Right now I can dabble in photography, while still maintaining a job, what if I got far enough in photography that I had to give up the normal job I have to focus on my photography and then fall flat on my face? Photography, though I love it, has always had this one gaping flaw for me - it is a poor career for steady income. Sure I could rake it in if I wanted to be a wedding photographer, but I don’t. That’s hack stuff to me. Don’t get me wrong, there are those out there who can do marvelous things in wedding photography. But these days, anyone with a half-decent camera and some time on their hands can do pretty good for themselves in Weddings.
I wonder (probably rightly so) if this is another drive-by hobby for me. I pick it back up for a month or so, spend a couple of hundred on equipment and then get bored and put it all away again for another 3 years. I wish I had focus, determination, goals. All I know is, I can’t be a collator operator for the rest of my life.
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21.04.05 at 15:05:18
Carleen Huxley
You have to make it work for you, Mike. It’s your passion and you should pursue it in whatever manner you feel is most suited to your lifestyle. Besides, photography is your gift, a lifetime acquisition, it’s not going anywhere.
As for focus and determination, I think it’s hard for either of us to have a lot of that right now. We’re still sort of stuck “in the meantime” phase so it’s hard to focus on anything longterm since we plan to leave in a few years. I have a feeling, that once we’re in NY, things are going to change for you. I think you will be able to find your focus much easier then and your goals will slowly reveal themselves.
By the way, there’s nothing wrong with drive-by hobbies. Ok, so they can get a little expensive but sponteniety is good for the soul. A little bit of fiddle here, a little bit of guitar there, throw in some photography, maybe will add a little swordfighting when we move to NY, some bellydancing for me…it’s just so much fun to dabble.
21.04.05 at 18:59:20
joshua.williams
I understand where you’re coming from on this. For me, the fear is slightly different, in that: If I pursue photography much further, at some point I’ll have to begin making choices about how far I want to take it. Photography as a passion is one thing, but if it became an obligation (the point at which I relied on it for income) would I then lose my passion for it? This happened to me with a previous startup business I owned a couple of years ago. I provided information technology consulting services to area business. I was good at it, and I made good money. But more than a
21.04.05 at 19:17:57
joshua.williams
…few nights away from my family in front of a server because “By God, the sun won’t rise in the morning unless this network gets fixed” made me so disaffected that I hated my own business and resented the time I spent with it. I got out of it, and didn’t even bill my last client for about $800. I just wanted out. I’m not sure if that would happen with photography, but I think about it more and more as I teeter on the edge of the “next steps”–thinking about how nice some studio space downtown would be so I wouldn’t have to make excuses to portrait clients about why I have no place to shoot but the great public domain… a place to store lights and all my crap… a place to build and use that really awesome softbox I want… a place that costs me rent and utilities every month whether I’m there or not (sigh). Maybe I just want to do this on my own terms and make enough money to pay for my new gear. At any rate, Mike, (is there a point to all my rambling?) I don’t see how there’s any risk in ramping up your photography again–at least to the point of being able to fairly gauge your renewed interest. Your abilities are obviously not the issue here. I think I’ll have more thoughts on this subject, but I’ll gather them first. My gut reaction: Don’t sell yourself short on a potential opportunity here. Just compose and shoot ’cause you like how the light falls on the beagle, then see what happens. What’s the worst that could happen?
23.04.05 at 08:36:57
Siri
Mike, I wouldn’t worry AT ALL if I were you. You’re well on your way to becoming like your brother-i-law; a Jack-of-all-trades - and I can’t see anything wrong with that. Sooner or later you’ll find the trade(s) you like the best and become master of it(them). In the meantime, have fun learning something about each, heaven knows you deserve some fun time! (And remember, your birthday gift violin lessons offer is still open, if you can find someone willing to teach you according to your work schedule).
Siri
19.06.05 at 14:47:31
Kimmie
I have to agree with Carleen, you have a gift Mike. That will not go away. And obviously neither will the love for it, if that had gone away, you wouldn’t be worried at all. Photography was a great find for you. Not just something you are good at, but something that you love. How many people can say they found both. There are plenty of people out there who have found plenty of things that they are good at, but to find something you truly love, that in itself is a gift. Be patient, photography will find its way back into your life when it suits you. I think, it really hasn’t left at all- it’s just on vacation.