My Epic Quest

I hate Oklahoma. Anyone who reads this blog, or talks to me for any length of time will pick up on that rather quickly. I realize I’m not keeping a very open mind about this, but I have yet to find an instance that would make me think otherwise. In fact, most of my experiences here have only reinforced my current position on the subject.

Such as this morning.

I have lived here for something like 3 years now and have yet to obtain an Oklahoma Driver’s License. It’s rather difficult, psychologically, as it’s one of the last, truly “New York” things I own. Not to mention the fact that NY Licenses last for so long. I got it in 1998 - it expires 2008. I’m only going to be in OK for, perhaps, another year, year and a half. You do the math.

However, I decided that, should I get a ticket, not having an OK License would only serve to exacerbate the situation. Thus my quest (and truly, after you hear my story, could only agree that this could be called nothing less than a quest) this morning to obtain an OK Driver’s License.

Now, for those who know not the wonders of actually having a Department of Motor Vehicels Office right in your city of residence, let me tell you a few things. This will also serve as stark contrast to my experience today. In NY, there is one building and only one building. It’s the DMV building - you go in one door, you stand in one line, you take one number and wait - once. When your number appears on a very nice digital board, you approach the given booth and meet with (usually) a rather dour, semi-elderly woman who processes your forms (all of which are organized right by the entrance so you can have them filled out before your number is called), and sends you on your way.

Not so in Oklahoma. In Oklahoma there are 3, yes three separted buildings all dealing with some manner of “Tags”, no DMV, Tags. Do I look like a Poodle? I’m not trying to get a rabies shot, I want to drive legally in your state. The first building - the “Tag Agency”, I waited in line for two other customers - not bad I thought - I’ve been in there when there is very little standing room, my hopes for the day were high. After about ten or so minutes, I was able to approach the counter. “I have a NY Driver’s License, I need to get an OK Driver’s License.” I told the woman. “Oh, sorry, that’s around the corner.” she said. No big deal - just around the corner, and I even got an apology for having to wait in a line I didn’t need to be in. Not bad.

“I have a NY Driver’s License, I need to get an OK Driver’s License.” I told the next woman. “You need to go to the testing office on Hensley.” I’m told. Annoying. Why can’t these two buildings be joined. Knowing approxiamately where the building is located, I head in that direction - stopping by, of course, to see Carleen as I pass the Library. So I approach the building that I remember as being the testing office, only to see “Army National Guard Recruiting Center” on the sign. Hmmm. bothersome. I call Carleen, hoping to obtain directions. No, luck, so we try (each of us) calling the number to the “Tag Express Agency”. Answering machine. How convenient. I hear a message telling me that office hours are Monday through Friday from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. I look at the clock - 9:15. Curious. In stubborn determination, I decide to head to the “Tag Express Agency”. I walk in, I grab a number, I sit, I wait. “Number 19″. Yaay! I’m about to get me License.

“I have a NY Driver’s License, I need to get an OK Driver’s License.” I tell the woman. “Oh you have to go to the testing office, do you know where that is?” I think, well, does anyone really know where it is? Apparently not. I’m convinced that this point that Oklahoma, Bartlesville specifically, probably has the highest number of unlicensed drivers in all of the U.S. So I tell the woman, no, I do not know where the testing office is. Head straight, go through a stop light, and then a 4-way stop sign, then it’s the second building on the left.

Ok, stop light - check. 4-way stop sign - check (wait, you’re kidding me right….they couldn’t be that stupid….), second bulding on the left (…yup, they are that stupid….)

“Army National Guard Recruiting Center”

Of course. How could I be so daft? This makes all the logical sense in the world. “Come! Learn to drive! And while you’re here, join the National Guard!” I’m so bloody stupid.

Needless to say, I still do not have an OK Driver’s License - I was too pissed at that point to even pull in the parking lot. I love NY.