Happy/Sad

I’ve been thinking about this post for some time (which does NOT guarantee that it will be any better quality than the crap I usually spit out when I actually take the time to write on this thing), and I’ve finally gotten around to writing it.

I’m going to be a Daddy. This is unbelievable news to me and I must say, I don’t think I could be happier. I’ve tried and failed at a lot of things, I’ve tried and succeeded at a few too. But there has always been one thing that I’ve known I would be good at, it’s being a Dad. I’ll be honest, I’ve cried at least twice already (happy tears) and I suspect there’ll be more.

I’m really at a loss for words, this is this single most happiest moment of my life and I don’t have the words to describe how I feel. Luckily, so far everyone has pretty much been very supportive as well as equally happy for us. I’ve heard several times in the past, people speaking to other pregnant couples about how expensive it is, how much sleep you lose, how little time you have and all that nonsense. It’s not that those people are wrong, in fact they’re probably woefully underexaggerating the difficulties of raising a child. However, I don’t think any parent would wish they could have that time, sleep or money back. I certainly won’t. I’m bringing a tiny little human being into this world and teaching it and protecting it and helping it to grow and whatever I may lose - I’ll gain so much more.

Now for the “Sad” part of this post - my ulcerative colitis. Man, I was doing so good. I found this stuff called Boswellia, which is actually just Frankenscense - which has been used for a while to help with arthritis and other inflammatory conditions and has been recently studied as a possible aid in dealing with colitis. It was working, until I went to the doctor for some muscle pain in my legs (something which is still bothering me for some reason) and he put me on Prednisone (a corticosteroid) now this stuff is also used to treat colitis, so I was stoked. Sure enough, that week I was on the steroids I was flying high, hadn’t been better in months. Until I got OFF the steroids, then I got worse than I’ve been in months. I’ve also started getting these sharp, crampy pains in my abdomen, which I hadn’t ever had before - these are starting to worry me as they’re coming with more frequency. It looks like I might have to go see my GI specialist soon. Another thing: I’ve been strangely cold lately, no matter how many sweaters I put on, I”m shivering. I’m wondering if maybe I’m lacking something in my diet (the other drug I’m taking, Asacol, also strips some nutrients from your body, but I can’t remember which one, it might have been either Zinc, or Iron).

Anyway, lots of conflicting emotions going on, but I’ll get myself better somehow. Want to be 100% when my little baby is born.