I’m at nineteen weeks now and I’ve started to feel the first flutters of movement. I can’t even begin to express what an incredible feeling this is. We’ll be going in for another ultra-sound next week when we’ll, hopefully, find out whether it’s a boy or a girl. Of course, there’s always the chance that the baby’s legs will be crossed or its back turned to the camera. Considering Mike’s shyness and my camera phobia, this is certainly likely.
I don’t know whether it’s because of the ultra-sound coming up or whether it’s just something happening in my body but I’ve had some really strange and intense dreams the past few nights. I had quite a few at the beginning of the pregnancy, very drawn out and detailed dreams. Last night I dreamt that Mike and I adopted two twin girls who had lost their parents in the war in Iraq. The whole war and catastrophe thing has always been pretty prevalent in my dreams (gets pretty depressing). Anyway, these two girls were about four, one called Jill, the other called Gillian. Yeah. Not very creative parents I guess, or maybe they just really liked the name. So, as we’re leaving one of them just takes off, you know, like kids do sometimes, just starts running down the street. So I start running after her but I can’t remember if she’s Jill or Gillian so I’m just screaming “hey you” which doesn’t seem to be getting her attention. She just keeps running. She finally stops and I catch up to her and then I start yelling at her for running off and the whole time I’m thinking “this is really not a very good start to this adoption”. So, that part of the dream ends. The next thing I know I’m at some race track getting ready to run some race with Mike. We’re standing at the start line with all these other people when it dawns on me that I’m pregnant and probably won’t be able to finish the race so I ask Mike whether it’s legal for me to just stop and drop out in the middle of it if I get too tired. I keep tugging his arm trying to get his attention so I can ask him but he’s doing this thing that my dad often does when he’s really focused on things. That is, he just ignores me and doesn’t answer. I keep trying to get his attention but he still doesn’t look at me. Finally, I’m screaming at him and then the start gun goes off so I start running and in my last attempt to get his attention I turn back and flip him off! Next thing I know the track turns into this massive grocery store. As we’re all running up and down the aisles there’s all kinds of customers standing around doing their shopping. Sometimes they turn and wave at us. It was just really weird. The night before last I had another one that was a little more creepy. I was in some other country by myself trying to get someplace, not sure where. But along the way I keep meeting people who help me and one of them has a daughter who just had a baby. She invites me back to her home so I can see her grand-daughter. When I look in the crib the baby is actually one of those Russian dolls, you know, the ones where you keep opening them up and there’s a smaller doll inside. So, I look at the daughter a little confused and she just smiles back and says the “baby is inside” which makes me pretty relieved. She opens the dolls up and on the very inside is not a baby, but a tiny pink skeleton that sort of looks like one of those Mexican puppet skeletons that they use in those parades during Halloween. What’s weird though is that the skeleton moves just like a baby. The image horrifies me now but I don’t remember feeling that way in my dream. I just left and kept going.
So, that’s pretty much where my brain is at these days. Preoccupied, apprehensive and thoroughly confused by bizarre dreams. I can’t believe I flipped my husband off!
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