Hi. My name is Mike (Hi, Mike). I’m Angry. I’ve always had a temper for as long as I can remember. It generally doesn’t extend to people, I can be infinitely patient with other people. Situations and machinery set me off. Today, it was the dishwasher. Several months ago our old dishwasher, after slowly grinding down, doing a worse and worse job, finally called it quits. After a short round handwashing dishes Carleen’s parents helped us out to get a new dishwasher. Today, after I pulled dirty dish after dirty dish out, I simply lost it - cups, silverware, you name it, got tossed and banged around. This of course was not an isolated incident.
Mostly, I get angry at work. Again, a few months ago Maintanence replaced some belts on the machine I work on. The old belts were causing some of our forms to be damaged and marked up. The machine hasn’t run correctly since. After a few months of dealing with this, my patience has finally worn thin. I dread going in to work, which I have never previously done.
Compounded with that, is our house, which is in a constant state of disrepair, while all I seem to have time to handle is doing dishes/laundry and steaming bottles for Carleen. The chores pile up and we both feel over-burdened by all of it. Our dogs, meanwhile, have been completely neglected while we fuss over Liam, so Chani pees on the already significantly stained carpet, while Turbo continues walking on Carleen’s feet - Carleen casts no shadow anymore, Turbo has taken it’s place. I’ve never been more frustrated in being a dog owner in my life. Financial worries loom overhead, since in the near future I’ll be quitting work to take over as Mr. Mom full-time, an occasion which I am both eagerly awaiting and dreading all at once. Add to that my Crohn’s is flairing up now - probably in response to all the stress, which is piling on even more stress, in a lovely little vicious cycle. So I’m finding it difficult to eat what I want, which just upsets me more.
I’m checking some books and videos out from the Library to see if that helps, if not I plan on seeing a psychologist. It’s frustrating to have outside forces so easily push your buttons - I hate the feeling of not being in control of my own emotions. It’s not something I want to teach my children.
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