13.04.07

I’ve recently discovered the Mango as a fruit I love. It seems to me to be a connoisseur’s fruit. Mostly due to the trouble you have to go through to actually enjoy the damn thing. First off, when is it ripe? You have to be perfect in your estimation of when it’s ripe - if you eat it a few days too soon or a few days too late, the taste is off. Now most fruit is far more forgiving than this. Banana’s I can eat at nearly anytime, thought I generally enjoy a touch on the green side, but they’re good before and after that. Apples are great just about any time in their life cycle, oranges, the same way. Mango’s though, have a window of maybe a few days.

Next is getting to the fruit. The skin is thick and difficult to cut. And the shape of the pit is strange, like a flattened football. Not to mention the fact that the fruit is none too enthusiastic about seperating from the pit. And when ripe, mango’s are incredibly juicy and terribly messy. Plus the juice stains something awful - a super bright neon yellow. Oh, I almost forgot that since they are, like most fruit, pulled off the tree before they’re ripe, you have to wait until they’re ripe a process that I’ve seen take a good week and a half, and that’s sitting on the counter in a little basket - this is not a fruit to keep in the fridge.

But, despite all this, when you get one just perfect it’s almost heavenly to eat. Don’t interrupt me when I’m eating a good mango, cause let me tell you - whatever you got, it’s a far second to that mango at that moment. If there’s no blood, then it can wait.

I’ve been reading up on anger issues and, upon reflection, I’m starting to see a pattern to my anger. My anger stems generally from two seperate circumstances: a lack of assertiveness on my part to “fight” (for the lack of a better word) for my rights or needs; and feelings of helplessness when there is nothing I can do to fix a situation.

I tend towards being a person who bends over backwards for other people, I see it as being respectful of other peoples needs and trying to be cooperative. It leaves me open to being a Welcome Mat, on occasion. Which leads me to silent brooding or venting my anger on someone removed from the situation who can do nothing about it. Take an example today, for instance. My friend Brian is getting married in June and I’m his Best Man. I went to a local formal wear shop to get tux measurements. After waiting for several people in front of me to be taken care of, I explained to one of the men what I needed. His response boiled down to, “It’s prom season, we’re terribly busy and you’re just going to have to wait while I man the phones.” At the time I was told this, I was one of two people actually in the store at the time. I told him that we had other things to do and that I’d just come back tomorrow. While in the back of my mind complaining that, I’m in the store now, standard business practices (as I’m used to) are that people in the store get waited on BEFORE taking phone calls. When I left the store I complained to Carleen, who tells me she’d be right back and walks into the store (she’d been waiting in the car with Liam). Well, she gave me the signal and we went back into the store. Where we waited.

I was very proud of my wife at this point - she has always been incredibly assertive in a way that I envy. She’s never been “bitchy” assertive, simply “This is what is right, you aren’t doing it that way and I’m not happy.” We continued waiting until Telephone Guy comes back over asking what we needed. I explained again, and he told me the same thing. Carleen got in an arguement with him, his response was basically, we weren’t buying anything so we could be made to wait indefinitely. Carleen expresses her disproval and we leave the store - I hadn’t said a word. This really upset me, and made me feel ashamed - like I had to go out to the car and call in my wife (a.k.a. “the Big Guns) to get what I wanted.

My second form of anger comes when I’m in a situation that I have no control over. The two events that spawn this anger are working on my machine - I don’t know anything about machines and problems are a complete mystery to me; and Liam. Getting Liam to sleep properly, getting him to feed properly, figuring out what is bothering him. He can’t communicate what is wrong and it frustrates me. These are the types of problems that spawn my more outburst types of anger - generally against inanimate objects - tossing paper or tools, slamming doors, throwing bottles, etc.

Unfortunately I haven’t gotten any further than that in my books, so I don’t know what to do with that information, but it’s a step in the right direction, at least.

On a recent trip to Tulsa me and Carleen took, I picked up a copy of Paul Tukey’s The Organic Lawn Care Manual. This is a tremendous book for someone like me, who just recently spread synthetic fertilizer on the front lawn while the whole time having a, sort of, little tick in the back of my mind telling me how wrong it was, but I lacked the knowledge to do anything different than what my neighbors are doing. In the book Mr. Tukey talks a lot about using compost as fertilizer, aerating the lawn, mowing and watering properly - simple things that have a tremendous impact on the grass and soil without having to resort to chemicals. I’m still working through it, but I’ve learned a lot so far, and it’s got me excited to be working outside on the lawn again. I had pretty much given up hope on our lawn as a lost cause. With two dogs running around in the backyard, I couldn’t lay down synthetic fertilizer for fear of harming them, so I felt I had few or no options. I’ve since learned I was very wrong. The great part is I’ve finally gotten the chance to use all the compost I’ve been hoarding for years. I’m looking forward to kicking my composting into high gear in preperation for next year.