Did you know that you turned two on August 26th?  I’m asking because we really didn’t get to celebrate your birthday the way we had intended to and I’m worried that you might not have realized that day was a special day for you.  We had planned to have a little party.  We were going to invite some of your library story time friends like Megan and Hunter and your cousins in Tulsa.  But then, mommy got offered this job.  In fact, on the very afternoon of your birthday she was on the phone with the president of the college that hired her trying to wiggle a little more money out of them (it didn’t work..just so you know as a future lesson, don’t try to negotiate more money from people who simply don’t have any money to negotiate with…it can be very disheartening for both parties involved). So, yeah, I was sort of busy, stressing about work stuff and really didn’t get to celebrate one of the most important days of my life. The day you were born.

You did get a present.  A Little People Construction site thingy that makes noise and is supposed to build problem solving skills (at least that’s what it said on the front of the box).  But we didn’t wrap it.  Momo and Baba’s present was wrapped but Mommy and Daddy’s wasn’t.  You didn’t even get it on your birthday.  You got it the next day when Dad and I just so happened to need something at Wal-Mart and we figured this would be a good time to get your present eventhough  we weren’t entirely sure what we were going to get you.  I don’t know why but I think I feel guilty about this most of all.  That and the fact that I didn’t stick to my rule of always making your birthday cake from scratch all by myself despite my baking handicap but I already messed that one up last year because Grandma Pat made the cake and I only did the icing.  I was going to fix that this year.  I was going to make you a cake all by myself and it wasn’t going to be some boxed thing neither.  I planned something elaborate. Something bonified.  We’re talking Martha Stewart calibre.  Seriously.  I swear, this will never happend again.  And despite how your birthday may or may not be celebrated, don’t ever think that August 26th isn’t considered one of the most amazing days in the history of our lives because it is.  It’s amazing because you were born on that day and you’re.simple.amazing.

So, you’re putting three word sentences together now.  This morning we were at Eggberts with Baba and you said “eat bacon good”.  You really like bacon.  And you really like eating at Eggberts.  I don’t know how many times I’ve heard you pick up a phone and order “egg” “bacon” and “cracker”.  You’re always so believable when you’re playing with phones, mimicking us grown-ups to a “T”, pausing at just the right moments, inserting “mmm’s” and “yeah’s” in all the appropriate places.  And I love how you love books.  Not just children’s books.  Now that we’ve been staying at Momo’s and Baba’s you’ve been playing in you’re uncle Mitchy’s room, perusing his selection of Penguin Classics.  You seem to favor Tacitus and Machiavelli’s The Prince (your father is a little concerned about the latter choice).

I also love how you appreciate nature.  When we walk to the park you always point out all the dead worms on the ground. Except you call the “hum”.  Somehow we’ve managed to teach you to have such an appreciation for nature that you blow the dead worms kisses.  You also do this with bugs, especially the ones you find crawling on flowers.  Thankfully you never put your mouth to any of the bugs but just sort of kiss the air in front of them. However, you did kiss and hug a tree next to the playground today.

Everybody always remarks on your smile and how happy you always seem to be.  I think it’s contagious because even in my darkest moments I can’t be sad when I’m around you.  It’s just not possible.  Although there is one exception and that’s when you’re sad.  Like the other day when I was rocking you in the rocking chair, singing you a lullaby and all of a sudden you just looked at me with tears in your eyes and put your head on my shoulder.  You cried but you didn’t make any noise. So I started crying and we both just sat there in the rocking chair crying until you sat up, smiled and used your sleeve to wipe my eyes.  I kid you not, you really did that.  You turned two and acquired an awareness for life kiddo.  You know something big and sad is going on.  Something big and sad is going on.  We’re moving away from the only home you’ve ever known.  I haven’t taken you back to the house since we moved all our belongings out because I’m afraid it will be too traumatic for you.  I thought about taking you back to the park up the road from our house just for old times sake, one last time before we leave, but I think that would just be cruel and confusing for you.  I’m not sure there’s anyway we can explain to you what’s going on, despite you’re three word sentence structure and the solid critical thinking skills (ok, I know I’m you’re mom and all mom’s say this about their kids but really, you’re way smart).  I do know, however, that where ever you are you’re always going to be surrounded by people who love you.  Moving is an awkward transition.  But just stick close to the people you know first. Get a feel for those people you don’t.  Then just get yourself out there and give everyone that confident “hi” you’ve perfected so well.  Nobody can resist a friendly face, especially one like yours.

The truth is, I think you’re going to love New York.  In fact, we’re moving up there at the most perfect time of the year.  Fall.  Apple picking (which means Nain’s homemade applesauce).  Pumpkin picking.  Fall colors on the trees. I for one have always wanted to live on the east coast during Fall.  It’s going to be awesome.  And just think of all the cousins you’re going to get to know.  Trust me.  I’ve been married to your father for six years and I still don’t know all the names of his aunts, uncles and cousins.  I would feel bad about this but even your Dad has trouble remembering them sometimes.

So, basically, I know things are kinda rough right now but it’s only temporary.  Just think of it as one of many learning experiences you will have in life.  This is going to teach you how well you can adapt to new things when you have to.  And just remember that you’re not the only one learning this in the family right now.  You’re Dad and I are learning it too.  For your sake, we’re going to try to pretend really hard that we actually know what we’re doing but the truth is, we don’t have a clue and we’re bound to goof at some point, in fact, we may have already and just don’t know it yet.  So, let’s just stick together and ride this thing through like an earthquake.

This weekend was Sun Fest. It’s like a craft/music/family entertainment festival they have in Bartlesville every summer. I’ve gone every year I’ve lived here (minus the few years I was in college). It’s grown a lot since I was in high school. The vendors used to be mainly country crafters but now there are potters, candle makers, horticulturists and artists of all kinds who attend trying to sell their stuff. I buy something every year, usually from my friend Jennifer and her mom. Jennifer makes delicious natural bath scrubs and soaps (I say delicious because some of them do contain coco) and her mom paints lovely flowers on pretty much anything she can get her hands on, mirrors, chests, tables. One year I bought an old vintage suitcase that I now use to store material. Hopefully one day I’ll use that material to make something extraordinary (must master that sewing machine).

They also had a dog show. Like, the cool type of dog show. They were all rescued dogs that had been trained to catch frisbee’s and do crazy stunts. Really made me want to go home and try some tricks with Chani and Turbo. They’ll sit and shake hands for a treat, and Chani used to be able to “find” treats when I hid them but it’s been awhile. I feel bad sometimes, I don’t feel like I spend enough time with my dogs. I look at Chani and remember what things were like when it was just me and her during the day (Mike would be asleep since he was working the night shift). Those were lazy days. Walk, play, watch a little t.v., play, read, walk again, dinner and then back to the couch again.

The weather’s getting hotter. There’s so much that needs to be done in our yard but the mosquito’s are awful right now. It looks like Liam has my sweet blood because they pick on him too. We try to spend as much time as we can with him outside, going early in the morning or later in the evening when it’s a little cooler. He’s discovered the monkey bars at the park now. He grabs a hold of the shortest bar and swings, then laughs, I guess at the tickly feeling it creates in his tummy.

So, my birthday is coming up next month. My birthday present is going to be a night to myself in a cabin in Osage Hills, and possible a kleen kanteen. We were going to get me a bike but it’s too expensive right now so we’re saving up, twenty-five dollars each pay check, until we have enough for two bikes and one of those canvas tents for Liam that attaches on to the side. I’m having serious hip problems and was recently told that I have to quit running. I’m having a really had time with this since running has been my “escape” exercise for some years now. I was never a very good runner. I could go a good distance but I don’t think I had very good form which is probably why I ended up with hip/back problems. One of my longterm goals was to run in a race but I never got around to it. I guess I’ll have to find a bike race to participate in now.

The weekend before my birthday we’re taking a trip upstate to see Mike’s parents and take part in a family reunion. I’m excited about this, Liam will have a chance to meet more family and that’s always a good thing. The sad part is that I have to come home on the following Monday (not enough vacation days) and Mike and Liam are going to remain in New York for about a week. This will be the first time I’ll be away from Liam for that length of time. It’s over a month away and I’m already dreading it but I’m excited too because it gives Mike more time to be back in his hometown and visit with his family and friends.

Recently, it became time for me to slowly step off Pred, dropping from 40mg to 20mg. The day after I dropped down all my symptoms returned. So at a recent doctors visit, I was given the option of trying another, higher dosage of Prednisone, or stepping up to the big guns - Remicade. I chose to try Remicade. These some powerful drugs. It’s given slowly, via IV over a period of about 2-3 hours (bring a book or two, yo’) and there can be some serious, but rare, side effects. It’s an immunosuppressant, so you sneezers and coughers stay the hell away from me. I have to take one treatment next week, another in 2 weeks and another 6 weeks from now, then after that it’s every 8 weeks. The biggest problem? $8000 PER treatment. I talked to my insurance company to find out how much is covered, basically, after my deductible is met, I’m responsible for $1500 per treatment. Still, that’s harsh. For $8000 THEY should supply ME with reading material. I’ve still got to talk to my doctor to find out how long I need to be on it for, but I gather at least a year. So, you know, if anyone knows a rich, divorced/widowed woman who’s looking to pay for sex, could you send her my way? I’d prefer that to “working the corner”, but dammit, I’ll do what it takes. I just don’t know how good I look in heels…

Although I’m fully recovered from my flu (for now), everyone around me is sick. I mean real sick. Co-workers, friends and family. Mike has been down with the full blown stuff, chest, cough, fever since Wednesday night. I’m here at my parents again trying to keep Liam and myself quarantined since I currently have no sick days left and don’t want to catch anything that will force me to have to go to work sick or stay at home with unpaid leave. I was supposed to go to Tulsa today for a workshop but my poor mom, who has already had the tummy flu twice, has now caught the other kind of flu or something of its kind we don’t really know yet, all we know is that she’s not well. We spent a frantic fifteen minutes this morning right before I was supposed to leave trying to figure out whether I should use my last family sick leave to stay at home since I really hated the thought of her taking care of Liam all day feeling the way she did. I felt guilty no matter what decision I came close to choosing. Staying home might make me look bad at work. Going would leave my mom under strain. Me staying would then make my mom feel guilty for being in a condition that would warrant me missing work. So then she would back out insisting she’d be fine. One look at her expression would tell me the exact opposite. Round and round we go. My dad, bless him, insisted that he could handle it, which I’m sure he could, but I know my mom and I know that if I wasn’t around and dad was left alone with Liam she wouldn’t rest like a good patient, she would be up and about helping.

So, I stayed at home, which turned out to be the right choice in the end since I just put Liam to bed with a 101 degree fever. He’s been out of sorts ever since he woke up this morning and went through several crying fits throughout the day. I’m hoping his symptoms are of the simple teething pain/bubbles in the tummy sort of stuff because Mike and I have worked very hard to try and keep him away from all the flu people so he doesn’t have to go through that kind of discomfort. I don’t know. We should probably just give up and hope that as one family member begins to feel bad, another will begin to feel better and somewhere out there they’ll be somebody to take care of our son in the meantime.

It never occurred to me until today how lost I’d be without my parents. It really got me thinking. For one thing, I’m not aware of my dad ever staying home from work to take care of Mitch and I when my mom got sick. She didn’t get “sick leave” from being a stay-at-home mom. So, as the working person in the house, imagining myself in a situation where I didn’t have my parents close by like this, do I get to say “Eeek, Mike, fever of 102. Man. That must suck. And that cough sounds horrible, hope you don’t end up with bronchitis again. Well. I’m off to work.”

Yeah, right. I mean, this is precisely the reason I did stay at home today. Parenting is changing for the better in someways at least. I’d be willing to bet if the tables were turned, Mike would stay home for me. I was faced with a situation where I could either leave my son at home with sick people, making things hard on them and risking the health of my child or stay at home and take responsibility for my child (no stranger or non-family member will be babysitting Liam until he’s able to talk…so alternative childcare is not an option…you should hear some of the horror stories I’ve heard). Yes, it was my last family sick. Oh well. We’ll just have to hope that March will bring with it a fresh breeze that will wipe away all the sickness in this town. As for all the headbanging at city hall? Who knows how long that will go on.

Since having Liam, I’ve been more worried when flu season comes around. It’s easy to catch stuff working a service desk at a public library. People come in sneezing, coughing, blowing their noses. Then they touch our books, use our computers, type on our keyboards. I have a bottle of Germ-X on my desk and have been particularly OCD about using it lately.

However, by last week I started to get the feeling I wasn’t going to be able to avoid the flu much longer. I had already been getting these random symptoms, that head fever headache feel but it would just never quite develop into anything. In the end, it happened so often that I put it down to allergies even though I’m not usually prone to allergies. But last week several staff members were out with the flu, and Wednesday night a teenager puked next to one of the public computers while I was at work. Then on Saturday, I played a volleyball tournament in Ochelata where someone’s kid puked in the gym. Here we were, in a contained building, with everyone sweating and passing around the same ball. At that point, I knew it was only a matter of time. Sure enough, early Monday morning, the Norovirus made it’s first appearance in my toilet bowl. I ran into the bedroom, woke Mike up to tell him that I was heading over to Mom and Dads for “quarantine”…and here is where I’ve been. I haven’t seen my baby in two days. I don’t think I’ve ever been away from him this long. I’m going nuts.

Thankfully, the worst of it is over although I do feel incredibly weak and woozy when standing. I’m also glad to report that Mike and Liam are still symptom free but just to be sure, I’m spending another night at my parents. By tomorrow, it will have been more than 48 hours since I’ve had contact with Liam. I miss him like crazy. I know I’ve already said that but I’m saying it again for emphasis.

Here’s a video of Liam rolling dice during Mike’s gaming session yesterday.

1. The first is a sort of joint resolution: We want to be more honest and open with each other. Not that we’re dishonest to each other, it’s just that sometimes we keep things to ourselves that really need to get out in the open.
2. Become a trans fat free household. I’ve weeded out most of the stuff but occasionally some things sneak in (like some bagels and an apple pie, most recently).
3. Eat more vegetables.
4. Find more ways to live “green”.

That’s it for me (so far) Meh. No big goals really, just some nit-picky things. I hope that’s a good thing. I’d like to think that that means I’m happy with who I am and don’t need to change much. Or it could mean I’m just not digging deep enough.

LATER: I missed one very important one: By July of this year, we will have moved or be in the process of moving to NY.

Liam is turning into the most curious little kid. Now that he’s walking, Mike and I take him for walks a lot to the park just up the street. What should be a five minute walk usually ends up being more like fifteen since he wants to stop and investigate pretty much everything. Acorns, leaves, dirt, dog poop, street lights. He’s also fascinating with curbs, walking on them, then walking back down. Anything new has to be experienced to its fullest potential.

My new nickname for Liam is Loki. Lord knows I’ve gone through many since he was born but I think this is the one that’s going to stick. Loki is the name of a Norse God (fire, trickster, he has many descriptions). Liam is cheeky in a very cunning way sometimes. I think the cheekyness is just a result of the fact that he’s getting smarter everyday. He’s learned to tease you and trick you. Like yesterday, Mike was crawling around the island in the kitchen playing a kind of peekaboo game with him. After two or three go’s of this, Liam figured out what he was doing and turned around, crawled back in the other direction and crept up behind Mike.

I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving. I just can’t believe it’s December already. I’m hoping to actually get xmas cards out this year. I’m kind of excited about this since I’ve been able to get back in touch with some old friends through Facebook.

Here’s a turkey shot. I’ve uploaded the rest to flickr. Mike made the turkey again this year, and again it was amazingly scrumptious.

So, I’m home sick from work today. The worst of it seems to be over, although I still can’t seem to drink water without feeling quezzy so I’m holding back on all food and liquid intake for now. My stomach muscles hurt to much from last night, I really don’t want to puke again. To make things worse, Liam has had the sniffles since returning from New York. Damn those airplane cabins. Maybe that’s where I caught this, wouldn’t surprise me. Last night he hardly slept at all and Mike had to stay up with him while I was in the bathroom hugging the toilet bowl. But what is a slight sniffle for Liam is now a full blown head cold for Mike. I don’t want to go near Liam right now so I’m feeling pretty helpless. Mike just tried to get him down for a nap but it was a no go. We thought for sure, after the lack of sleep last night, he would surely go down for his morning nap. Surprisingly it’s just the opposite, he’s quite perky. Mike just took him for a walk in hopes that he might settle a little.

Sick days really aren’t real sick days when you have a kid. If it wasn’t for the fear of spreading germs, I would be at work right now because adults can at least understand that you’re not feeling well, whereas Liam has no clue why I won’t kiss his booboo better or play vroom vroom with the truck. Not only that, but it’s Friday. Who the hell wants to be home sick on a Friday.

This sucks. Seriously.

I was actually in hysterics for about a day over this. Dying before Liam was born wasn’t such a major big deal. We all die sometime. But the thought of dieing before I had seen my son grow into a adulthood was really getting to me. I managed to get into the doctor the next morning. I’ve switched doctors to a lady my dad often goes scuba diving with. She’s a character, sorta of looks like the sort that should be on a ranch in Wyoming ropin’ horses. As I started riddling off all my symptoms she stopped me half way and told me to slow down because she couldn’t write that fast. At that point, I realized what a hypochondriac I sounded like. She was very thorough, something which my dad had already indicated, and I appreciated that. She asked a bunch of questions back and eventually we got around to exercise. “Yes, I run.” “Outside?” “Yes.” “Hello, there it is. With the heat and all, you’re sweatin’ out potassium. Just eat a banana every morning.” So, I’m eating bananas and feeling much better.

However, I am still having some foot problems. There’s something going on with my heel. I called to make an appointment with the podiatrist yesterday but the secretary said that the earliest opening was October 23rd. That’s like a month away. I’m having problems walking here. I can’t wait a month. Can you believe in a town with an estimated forty thousand people, most of them over the age of fifty, we only have one podiatrist?